-sigh- Natalie Portman. I must say I did like you in many movies especially how elegant you can be. You are my favorite actress for a long time now more than Angelina Jolie. What I have never talked about publicly until recently is what being trans does to my thoughts. When I say trans I am referring to transgender.

I am glad I am not alone on this. For many years ever since I knew I had to re-align myself to a certain happiness I’m working on because I wasn’t happy with male expressions. It would cause thoughts that I would see people like Natalie be just ponder for a moment. What would be running through my head is wow, what would it be like to be her. To make a point clear: I am happy to be brown, its not because she is rich off star wars, its not because she is a pretty example. It was everything about her that I would have loved to be in her shoes. Then again my feet wouldn’t fit haha.

I am not sure why I was ashamed of thoughts like this. These thoughts were harmless and I come to find very common, if not 100% common in all trans individuals to ponder and daydream about being someone else. I always admired the elegance and how delicate Natalie is. I am very similar and on the gender expressions would be a lady as listed on previous post. I am soo glad I am not alone on this as I say that again. Through my alignment processes to happiness she is my role-model.

We daydream many times or live as the intended gender through virtual means like a game or something. Its much easier to be in a fantasy to soothe the soul temporarily before returning back to reality that we have to work with what we got. That also its a rough route to obtain happiness. I would like to call it climbing a mountain for a variety of reasons. It takes work, endurance, and courage to get to the top. Many have reached there and because of that I am inspired to continue my journey and not fall of a cliff.

The ways she was in Star Wars on how she was both brave and noble is amazing to me. Being trans we don’t simply choose a person to be like as it seems. In my case I think I might have found someone similar in nature to who is deep inside me. As if we were sisters.