Haha my art skills are getting a tad better already šŸ˜› Going clubbing can be a great experience if you are in the mood for loud music, getting bumped on accident and willing to sweat if a place gets packed. I have only been to clubs in my city area so far and they do not represent clubs around the world. Either way I would like to share my feelings and experience from going to gender rigid, straight clubs. I have not had a chance to go to a gay club, nor have I been to a drag night like I would want to.

I would like to clarify I do not know how to dance and that doesn’t stop me from grooving to the music. Lots of cash on hand is not required either because its a DANCE club not a drunks lounge (although many guys make it so). Main reason I can finally say I do not need much cash is for the fact of I cannot drink while on medications. I am not against drinking but its a sad fact many people have to loosen up via drinks instead of enabling it themselves. That is only my point of view.

My personal issues begins with the dress codes. Men are expected to wear something specific in most clubs I have been to. Women can wear pretty much a large variety of anything and not become worried about being turned away at the door. Believe it or not, clubs do not haveĀ orĀ let you in and can deny entrance to any they please. There is no issue with me to get my ID checked but besides that no matter how good I cross-dress in the future; what will a bouncer respond to my male identity on my ID?

I am not ready to dress as of yet so this potential issue is just in my head and no where near yet of trying to find out. I would like to believe if that I pass enough, no one will pay much attention. My main intentions when clubbing is to either lounge at a table or dance with random people. So far as a male I have not experienced too much friendly dancing partners. Most women (who desire dancing partners) want a clean cut guy with confidence. Those are shoes I cannot fill.

I try to force myself to fill those shoes and even SOBER. There are some guys who will not even touch a dance floor without being wasted. I still think that method is quite silly. There was also times a couple women came my way to dance and I ended up being too nervous on what to do. I am not all about bumping and grinding, just want someone to acknowledge me on the dance floor.

I understand some like to go to clubs as a place for drinking, eye candy, and loud music without desire to dance. It gets me flustered and lost mood when I would go with people who would just stand in the corner and watch others have the fun. It’s a dance club, a place to dance with your special person, friends, or with other single people. Guys are very homophobic. Its nice to see lady friends dance in groups and do not care who is watching.

Straight clubs in my observations seem like places to prove something. It seems with the guys that go, they have to display their dominance in a room like a lion. When girls go its as if they are flaunting their feathers for potential mates. There is no room for genderĀ variants parse when it comes to the general scheme of things. Its hard to mingle in because at the moment I am not displaying nor flaunting.

I wish I could experience what they are like the picture. Ladies night by example, the girls would come into the club as packs. Watching them having a good time saddens me because I wish I had female friends, and was one of them in that fun experience. Guys would never dance in groups because they fear it would look gay or something. Therefore I will never experience being a lady in a pack, having fun for a long while.

No more will I stand against the side with inner conflicts of jealousy/sadness of not being a lady who is dressed to impress and dancing without caring who’s watching.Ā The reason I do not ditch clubbing altogether even when I stopped drinking and have inner conflicts, is because there will be the day, Jessie becomes the life of the party. Remembering that adds hope in this cold world.