OMG Jessie where have you been?

Good question.

Life has interesting twists, turns, and adventures. Some of which have distracted me from here. I do have great joy in this blogging process. I am not exactly an entertainer type; this page is more of a public diary of my life. It is quite fun to be transparent with nothing to hide. I suggest this method to all but some have employers to hide from lol. I had once said that I’d rather get hired for who I am, and not for what I’m not. Simple concept but it also isn’t fair that employers will Google your name just to see what pops up.

Since April I have been working often and doing random things. I cannot pin point exactly where I been but I will try to dig deep. Guild wars during the summer was my addiction that took me away from Word Press. I had enjoyed coming on here daily at the time but Guild Wars was a longer hobby. In the game I was highly focused on getting certain achievements completed and farming for certain armor pieces. Now that I have most of what I want with a side of burned out; I am bored of the game.

Guild Wars will always have a place in my heart. Life is developing fast for me at the moment and well; my priorities and interests have changed. I finally had an awakening. I am tired of being overweight, lazy, and isolated. Guild Wars had kept me in the house for thousands of hours. The beach was always a place of healing for me. I didn’t have gas money and I did have a bike. Therefore I started to ride my bike to the beach. I will expand upon the bike rides in another post.

Sometimes, I have noticed attention issues of staying dedicated to tasks. I would always start something and have trouble finishing. In Guild Wars after I started a Guild of my own:  I really learned about staying committed and until the end of whatever it was. The bike rides/exercising is a commitment that I will continue no matter if I reach my goals or not. The primary motivational factors of the exercise was not just for looks.

There were some health issues that popped up along the way I had to take care of. My blood test shown that I need to eat better and be more active. In my closet I had plenty of clothes that I could wear but no where near yet use. I also read many articles that talked about how exercise can boost mental health. Anything that can make me feel better I am down to try.  Just not drugs haha.

I also departed from my job. As for that situation I do not wish to directly disclose the events that occurred there but what I can say is that I got sick of all the conditions present and left. Once I had quit, I slept better, felt better, and was better. That job was very toxic to my life. It was the primary cause of my caffeine addiction that took 2 months to get rid of. Monster and Red Bull was my beverage at the time. It was one of the many things that made me in a bad state of mind since I was last on here.

Lots of side tracking does occur time to time. Once I got into the grove of things, I then learned how to time management well. In the last Month or so; I did encounter an amazing woman who swept me off my feet to keep my busy 😛 She is the sweetest person who has entered my life like an angel. That is all really I can think of that has occurred since April. I got lazy, game addiction, work made me tired, and bad time management.

I have not returned and will stay committed to this hobby.

Minimum wage and maximum bull$hit

I have an inner debate going on that involves work. This template of issues is not only limited to minimum wage jobs, it can be any workplace that lacks certain morals and ethics. Duty is what my job description is and other tasks associated to it. Pride is how I perform the work and how well I do so. Recognition would be forms of acknowledgement, gains, or verbal praise. My workplace has issues with duty vs. recognition.

I will not call out where I work but they are doing it all wrong. I am not expecting a medal for any good thing I do nor am i asking for attention. This workplace thinks that no recognition should occur because if they do, it will make the employees think they are doing enough and therefore the owner thinks laziness will spawn in result to that. All I have to say is wow when I heard that it was the biggest pile of $h1t I have ever heard.

What kind of legitimate business has no process to let their employees know if they are doing a good job? Only bad performance is recognized and given attention. The next biggest crock of $h1t I heard is that the owner believes his form of thank you for the work we do is our pay check. I am being paid for my time exchange so its rightfully mine. The owner doesn’t grant me money because I do stuff for him. In his world he believes the previous statement.

Just because its my duty to do something and why I got hired, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t get positive recognition for doing good work. I am not seeking any raises, bonuses, prizes, etc, all I want is a “I appreciate the work you do”. Is that soo much to ask? Just acknowledgement that I work hard compared to the other lazy [explicit words] that I work with. I work hard because I have pride in everything I do. Even if its minimum wage and no one will ever know the work I do, I take pride in it.

That pride can last so long. It gets to a point where you feel like your being used and abused. That practice of the mind game to make us work harder doesn’t work on me. I work hard because that’s my work ethics. I always enjoy out-working co-workers. Not to make them look bad, it helps to make sure I am putting in honest efforts. The main issue that is coming into play is that why should I do XYZ tasks that literally wear me down into pain if no one knows I ever did it?

If that XYZ task only keeps that certain thing clean until morning time and therefore gets dirty again; who will know the difference? owner and management sure as hell don’t know what I do. I walk around the parking lot and make it spotless. Whats the point if it will return to the same conditions in 3 hours time. I understand its my duty to perform those XYZ tasks but doing them now without recognition/acknowledgement creates dread.

I almost want to be lazy now because of that lack. Its almost negating my good work ethics if no one cares what I do. To make a point clear, this post doesn’t involve my passion. Just a temporary job that has practices that might be similar in other job sites. I appreciate the fact this crap job is reinforcing my push to get into better work and education. I just hope after that building into dream occupation that I don’t encounter the same conditions.

I enjoy making posts no matter if people read them or not. Difference is that here is not a workplace. This site doesn’t play mind games on me to see if I work harder. WordPress nor its community doesn’t treat me like dog (figuratively speaking, I treat and love dogs well). I have pride in what I do here as well. Probably when it comes down to it, I have to not depend on others to recognize my workplace performance. That expectation is only hurting me and no one else.

As a side note, I loved the way the military did recognition. They had reviews, ribbons, medals and badges. All of which included an honorable respect factor. It created something that people would look up to you and others idol your successes. It was fun to me to wear and show off things I did. Those things I wore on my uniform tell a story just like the rest of the service members.

The Undecided n’ Indecisive Disease

Many people my age are starting to catch this…disease mindset. Its temporary in duration until the individual figures out an interest. I always hear that “if you do what you love, you will never work a day”. Well ok I get that but I am having trouble to identify what I want to do. Sometimes I think I am looking to deep about selecting something. At the same time, choices seem very limited.

Currently I live in the country where there is a set system and a set of XYZ occupations. One has to choose one in order to survive or attempt to live on the streets. One simply does not sit around and make money without doing anything as much as we would like. To me when you are limited to X amount of occupations out there that require heavy training and a degree; it limits talent abilities of some people.

I met many people with large passions or talents but then result to something they semi-like and wither away in that end result occupation. In example I once know someone that was very musically talented but afraid to pursue that passion. They shelved that talent like a book and forced them self to go after what was to them “real work”. That isn’t exactly wasted talent, its just not a wise decision to have shelved that talent.

Yes its always smart to have a back up plan to fall on just in case a passion doesn’t work. At the same time I will never forget what Kirk Nugent says in his inspirational talks “to pursue your passion”. He is 110% right that the richest place in the world is grave sites. There lies not only bodies, but also books that were never written, songs never sung, dancing never done, kisses/hugs never given to who they wished them for, etc etc the list can go on.

Life is too short and we are not getting younger. PURSUE YOUR PASSION…just that I have not found what mine is yet. I try to inspire all I know to do what they love instead of ‘just working”. I been following up with many I used to know and only a handful of them 5 years post graduation are going after something they want. Then again its their life and they can do as they please. I have no room to judge their choices.

On the other hand we are sometimes inflated that we are suppose to do something great. Which is great and all but if we all became doctors, who is going to be nurses and CNA’s? If we all go after business management, who is going to be the regular workers? That’s something important to ponder that we all have a place in the system that is long as we let it to be.

So to sum it up i have no idea what to do. If i could live on the mountain and become a monk I would. That isn’t possible so I have to force myself and dig deep for a passion. Some older friends I met have gotten into drugs and are going from job to job. Others have a hard time of even thinking of real occupations and remain in little jobs. This is more common than you think.

I hope I get my stuff together soon as well as the many others like myself soon because time passes by no matter if we do  something or not. Whether you think you can or can’t, either way you are right. I wish I remember who said that. That will help to get out of this disease mindset.